Advice On Bringing Another Person Into The Bedroom
posted on 07/04/2009
Janet Writes:
My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years. My boyfriend is always complaining that our sex has gotten to be routine and boring. He has this fantasy about having a threeway with another girl and is constantly begging me to let this happen. I'm not really into women so this idea doesn't sound to good to me, especially since he won't let me have another guy!
I am afraid that if I don't do this threeway with him, he will go out have sex with other girls anyway, or even worse, break up with me. Do you think I should just do this and let him get his way?
MR. GOOD ADVICE RESPONDS:
Here's the problem with this threeway idea. First of all, somebody always gets left out! In this scenario that somebody is going to be you. So, it is highly unlikely that this will be a very pleasant situation for you. (Think of it as coming home and catching your boyfriend in bed with another woman and he doesn't stop!) Unless you like to suffer, I don't suggest that you do this just so that you can avoid a possible break-up.
The second problem with this threeway idea is that once you open that door it will never shut. In essence you are giving your man permission to cheat on you and he is gonna want to do this over and over again. He will focus all of his time and energy on finding new girls to invite over and you will be left to put up with this bullshit. Once you cross this line in the relationship there will be no going back.
There are people who can share partners without getting jealous and they can manage to have a great time while engaging in group sex. The key to their success is an understanding that there is a bond between the couple that is greater then the sex act that they are engaging in. If your relationship is that strong then sex is simply something that is done for fun and can be done with other people without there being a threat to the relationship. I have known people who have had ongoing sexual experiences of this nature and have been happily together for over twenty years.
Nonetheless, most people can't handle this type of situation. They simply will get too jealous watching their partner drooling over someone else. The result is often that the fantasy is much better then the reality of the actual threeway. I would venture to say that if you are not into women there is no upside for you here. If you decide to do this then it must be fair and you must insist that your man have to watch you get what you want, another guy! Otherwise, you simply should not even consider it any further.
Threeways can be fun but most often they lead to the destruction of relationships and don't do very much to save them. Maybe its time move on.
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Previous Comments
Redmoon says:
(131d 7h 33min ago)
Most excellent reponse. However, the nut and kernel of the issue is that the b/f is bored, and she is 'afraid' to 'lose' him. Sounds more like some power and control issues than bedroom boredom. I agree that she needs to refuse to participate in a hurtfu situation-- and since the 'shoe on the other foot' isn't an option, then it's not fair. Rent some porno with the situation, get a blow up doll for the third person, get a vibrator and name it; get some books on fantasy and/or light bdsm, and get things exciting again. -- but it still sounds like some other issues are there. Maybe it's not the sex he's bored with, but the humdrum hamster wheel of everyday life. Something like some kind of 'date' once a week where you alternate picking out a mini-adventure for both to go on is mandatory for good relationships.
I knew a couple with four kids and little money once upon a time; they used to go to the store in the van to get their water jugs filled-- and made out like when they were dating in the van while the water ran, then jumped out to change. Also, they liked to have sex in the closet, on the washer (with it on spin) and on the tailgate of thier truck on a deserted back road. Tip; wearing dresses helps. Touching a LOT and snuggling on couch to watch movies or tv helps, too. Vaseline on the doorknob to keep the kids out helps a VERY great deal (laughing)!! Often, men have little imagination and look to stuff like threeways since that is what the pornos show. Women need to unleash their creativity in this area. You can even dress HIM up like a woman and preetend HE'S the 'other woman' for you to play with! Say you are going to the store, leave him home, then have a trenchcoat, a wig, and dark shades in the car, return to the house, ring the bell, and then flash him and jump him. Or, pretend to be a call-a-stripper with a cd player.... and dance for him. Take him on a ferris wheel a do wild groping when at the top. Caution; make sure no minors can see you. Take a field trip to the porno store in disguises and check out the toys. Take a bath together. Shave him- ahem... and I do NOT mean his face--- with menthol shaving cream... Like I said-- unleash the imagination. Regular life gets boring-- one needs spice. But she might also like to read a book called His Needs/Her needs. I didn't like her saying she was 'afraid' that he'd go out on her. Fear is not a good bedmate.