Advice On How To Keep Monogamy From Getting Monotonous.

by Aunt B

posted on 07/20/2009

Are you someone who has found their one true love, or so you thought, but now things seem a little dull? Maybe you have found someone you would like to make your one and only but you are afraid things will become boreing and you are too afraid to commit. If you are married or have been in a relationship for a long time now, and things seem to be quite mundane, or you have found someone new and either don't want that to happen again, or just don't want that to happen to begin with, I have just a few little pointers that could help!

1. Safety in numbers.
Numbers of two that is. If your not sure if there can be advantages to having a monogamous relationship, give it some thought. Of course with only one partner your chances of std's are quite slim. However, there is much more to be said for chosing just one person. You both can be unique and special because you are considered to be made for just each other, as so in a sense owning one another with rights that no one else gets to have. It's like having an ace in the hole so to speak, with no worries of weather or not you will be lonely or loved by another. It's a family which you chose to your likeing, not one which has been assigned to you. Once you find your one to be with, your only worry now will be getting tired of each other, which by the way does not have to happen.

2. Looking out for #1.
When going from person to person for relationships, or sex, the only person we usually worry about is ourselves. In a monogamous relationship however, this does not work. When you commit to someone to give all your love and body to, and they the same in return of course, you both have to make the other person number one. If you both have each others back on things you can't go wrong. It's just like being a member of a gang, only consisting of two. You will have a sense of belonging, trust, and purpose like you wouldn't believe.

3. Being with your best friend.
Have you ever had a crush on your best friend? Thats the most exiting relationship you can explore. Why do you think most people cheat on their significant other with a close friend? So be your lovers best friend first, if you aren't already that is. Think of your lover as a friend. Aproach each other this way. If you do, it will open up all kinds of windows of oppertunities to you both. Not to mention it makes sex absolutely amazing. You will become closer to each other on a personal level, making things easier in all aspects of your relationship, not just in the bed. I can't express this point strongly enough. Get to know eachother as friends, and be there for eachother on this level. Be the girl, or boy, next door, take an interest in each others lives, even if you don't have the same tastes. It WILL pay off.

4. Communication is key.
Have you ever been in trouble for not doing something right and you didn't even know you were doing something wrong? Sucks doesn't it? Not to mention how unfair it is. While expecting one another to be sensative to each others feelings and needs, expecting clairvoyancy is unresonable! You must talk to each other. Now is not the time to be shy. Tell one another what you like, don't like, want, need. Tell it all. Being in a trusting relationship means you can be comfortable enough to tell each other what ever you want. Let go of your inhabitions, and speak up. Tell your lover things you would never say to a stranger, or even someone you would date. Your safe with this partner. It's ok to tell him or her what you want. Whats the worse they could do? Say no! Even if they did, It's comeing from someone who loves you and doesn't want to hurt you. Besides he or she could just say "thats what I like too, I was just too afraid to say so". It can only bring you closer.

5. Don't forget to date.
Often times when we settle down, we settle way too much. We forget to keep the fires stoked. If you don't want to lose that old flame, be sure to feed it! Make date nights. Time to get alone with each other. Don't just sit at home thinking being in the same place with eachother is enough. In the beginning, you go out of your way to impress eachother, and get eachothers attention. Keep doing it. Get a sitter. Even take the kids with you, just don't forget to specialize on each other. Do stupid crazy teen stuff. Go parking, without the worry of a curfew. Make out at the movies. Hold hands. Text and call eachother like mad when your apart. Leave little notes. Say whatever, it doesn't have to be a hallmark moment, just say hi, I like you, or I'm thinking about you.

6. Go with the flo.
Often times in a comfortable relationship, we get stuck in rut. It gets old, and boreing. But sometimes it helps to remember we ourselves are a part of that problem. We tend to stick to what we know, and not step out of our comfort zones. It's time to learn to stop that and take a step back. When your lover makes a suggestion to do something new, or even go somewhere new, go with it. You will find yourself feeling strangely giddy again. Maybe even a little nervous, in a good way. You may even see your lover in a new light, and get some of those little butterflies in your stomach.

7. Look but don't touch.
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, and you don't know what you've got until it's gone, then take it upon yourselves to put that advise to work. Go on a sexual fast. Take some time out on purpose. (Not to see other people, or sleep around). Spend some nonsexual time with eachother on purpose. It's common to go for awhile without it inadvertantly, but to do it on purpose, gives it new meaning. You will suffer from what I call "forbidden fruit syndrom". It's what you felt when you first started dating, and you wanted to be with eachother in a biblical way, but couldn't just yet. Drove you insane, didn't it.? Try it again. Set a given amount of time where you agree not to and see if you can make it that long.(be resonable though, don't set it too long.) A week, maybe two is a good start. And if you falter, well, I guess you can't resist eachother.

8. Old shoe is as old shoe does.
Don't let yourselves become old shoes, just comfortable ones. Keep up on good hygene for one another, just because you caught your one and only doesn't mean you don't have to maintain yourself. Yes we gain a little weight, and change our appearance over time, but if you still put your best foot forward for your lover and friend, they will appreciate it and hopefully do the same. So throw on some stink pretties (perfume, cologne) brush your teeth and fix your hair. Make an effort for one another and you will not become just and old tired stinky shoe. Just because you have settled down doesn't mean you are dead.

9. Payoff.
Staying with one person, and shareing your lives, friendships, and bed together is the most rewarding, safe, comfortable,and healthy relationship you can have. If you just nurture it, and help it grow. It can take you to levels of joy, happiness, well being, comfort, and even exstacy you may never experience alone or even with many different people. You can get out of it what you put inn and so much more.

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