Advice On Communication.

by loverojunk

posted on 07/30/2009

I've noticed in my short, 18 years of life, that many people lack the most important skill, the ability to communicate wants and desires in an effective manner. I, personally, do not claim to be the best at communication, because we all lack this skill on some level, but I do realize that it is a problem. Oh, the problems we face when we choose not to communicate effectively.

Here's my two cents, if you will, on the importance of communication in our lives, how to use it and how to implement it in our daily lives.

First, we must realize that there are two, three, four, etc, sides to EVERY story. That's right, your opinion, as great as it may be, is not the best, at least, not in the eyes of others. I know this is totally cliche and copyrighted, but you must first seek to understand then to be understood. (again I claim no ownership, just passing on the message. :)) Without hearing, I don't say listen because you can listen and not hear, the other sides of the arguments we have basically put ourselves up against a big brick wall. That's right, you know how we all complain about talking to a brick wall, well more often then not, the person we're arguing with, is not the brick wall, we are. We, as humans, fail to see the other argument because we are so wrapped up in our own. If we took initiative and said, 'Okay, what is this person trying to say,' we would better understand our own flaw, which is to fail to see the other argument. If we have understanding, we are more likely to get understanding.

Second, we must learn not to take offense. I'll be the first to admit I'm the biggest baby. I take offense to almost everything, but this most often hurts our ability to communicate. I mean, look at the facts, how many of you have ever been so angry that you can't communicate anything but anger? How many of you have tried to communicate with an angry person and as a result, just got more angry? I doubt that no one has had this experience, if you haven't, it's sure to come your way. But beyond that, nothing is solved by being angry or hurt by something someone said. It doesn't really matter who it is, because there aren't many people who will say something, just to say it. There will always be an underlying insecurity or reason why something is said. Don't get me wrong, there are jerks in this world, but the reason they are jerks is their own insecurity. You see a heavy set person, you insult that person, what's the reason? More often then not, it's not because they are fat, but rather because it's your goal to feel superior, it's your goal to be on top, to be the "Top Dog." This is all bred from insecurity, from the fact that you don't feel good enough. There are always two or more parts, as argued above, the person who offends and the person who takes offense. The offended party in most cases, allows emotion to override the simple answers to the other persons insults and responds with insecurity, thus breeding a cycle of misery. So break the cycle, try your best to see things with a clear and immovable head.

Thirdly, we don't say what we mean. It's that simple, we want someone else to "just know," when something is bothering us or when we are annoyed. It doesn't work that way. I have no way of "just knowing" what my twin sister is feeling. I can tell, usually through her body language, but it's not likely that I can tell the reason behind her annoyance or "just know" emotion. I don't mean we should do things that we know are annoying and claim not to know, I mean for those times when your talking to you boyfriend and you say you should know why I'm mad, I know that all of us do it, even you guys have done it before, don't lie. How am I to know what's happening in your head when I'm not you, I don't know your emotions. I may know, your story or background and may be able to make an inference, but it's not going to be exactly what you are looking for. Only you can share your feelings adequately, only you can truly know what's going on in your head. So share if you'd like to, if not, then don't assume that your best friend, boyfriend, mother, brother, sister, husband, wife, aunt, whoever..knows what's going through your head.

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