Advice On How To Not Upset My Mum
posted on 09/03/2009
Your birthday and your mates are very important to you, and so is your judo class. So it is understandable that you are upset and frustrated. You must be very thoughtful and sensitive to have noticed that even though your mum has told you to do what you would like to do, she is not happy. I want to share some things for you to think about: I do not want you to feel guilty or unhappy. I just want you to think a bit about the future.
It is very easy to think about what makes us happy right now, this instant, or this week. And it is easy to think about happiness in terms of everything in our lives being about the way things are now. It is far harder to think about life changing, and it is also far harder to think about what will make us happier over the long haul. Happiness that lasts is a lot more than the mood of the moment, and satisfaction is much more than having what we want, doing what we want or accomplishing what we want today, tomorrow or this week.
Now I have two stories to tell you: The first is my story. When I was 26 years old, my uncle called one evening about supper time. He told me he wanted me to get a grip on myself because he needed to tell me some very bad news. My heart started pounding in my ears and I began to feel very numb as he explained that when my mum came in from work that afternoon, she had found my father dead in his chair in our living room. He had not been sick: he had only said that his elbows were bothering him that morning, so neither of them had realized he was having a massive heart attack. Two years later, mum was diagnosed with lung cancer, and she died a few months later. The saddest thing to me about losing them is that I was just outgrowing thinking my parents were boring and that I would rather spend my time with people my age, doing more interesting things. Just as I was realizing I would enjoy more time with them, there was not time left. Years later, I have also realized that my parents had always told me to do what I would enjoy doing, and they had hidden their disappointment from me better than your mum has from you.
The second story is about a boy in high school whose mum was killed in a very bad accident. My friend is one of the boy's teachers, and she went to the funeral. The boy stood and talked about his mum, and how he had been so busy doing things with his friends, things he enjoyed, that he had basically been running by his mum with barely a "Hello," and a "Goodbye." He said to everyone listening, "I only wish I could have dinner with my mum again."
Now of course, it is possible to lose one of your mates, or someone else who is dear to you, as well as a parent. In the end, you want to know you've accepted as much love as you can and given as much love as you can. When you go to bed at night, it's great to have no regrets about the things you've done or said, or wish you had done or said. And when someone passes away, it is very, very sad if you have loved them a lot, and they have loved you, too. But it doesn't sting nearly as badly if you've given it all that you can give.
So I leave you with a picture of myself on my last birthday -- I wanted to go off on my own, but I have a group of elderly friends who gave me a costume party instead. It wasn't what I wanted to do -- but I will always be glad I did it.
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