Advice On Rekindling An Old Flame

by rpbarbati in response to request for Advice On What To Do

posted on 10/06/2009

Should I or Shouldn't I - Rekindling an old flame

This is a question that nearly everyone will face at some point in their lives - asking themselves what if's, what could have been's, and what exactly did I give or let get away.

The greatest difficulty you will face when evaluating your thoughts and feelings in this area are, surprisingly enough, your own thoughts and feelings. Just as in quantum mechanics, wherein simply examining something changes the behavior of the thing being examined, so too will you find that contemplating your ex will change your perceptions of him or her and your time together.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Depending on the length of time you have been apart, you may find that your own memories have become biased towards the warmer, healthier, more vibrant parts of your relationship with your ex. In fact, if you are considering throwing another log on a fire long gone out, then you are almost certainly experiencing the effects of this subtle but powerful emotional urge. Being aware of the potential for this to occur is the best safeguard against it.

What is needed in a time like this is to drag that dusty old relationship right out into the cold light of day, stand over it, and examine it for what it was - and most importantly, to do so honestly.

Know your desires - Know your future
For many of you, simply reading the above suggestion has provided the answer you were looking for. If in your heart, you know that you are not really willing to subject that old relationship to the light of day and close scrutiny, then congratulations may be in order, for your question has been answered. Understand, though, that the key words in the last sentence are may and be.

Yes, yes, yes, the answer is a resounding yes!
Before you rush out to buy those condoms and roses, however, do yourself a favor. Understand that what you are experiencing is not fondness of better days, or the melancholy of a lost love, but rather, to put it simply, plain old lust. This may be lust for sex, for compassion, or simply for activities you may have shared together in the past that for whatever reason, you find yourself unable to participate in in the present.

For this group, I leave you with one simple reminder - there was a reason that the relationship ended in the past, and that reason is almost certainly alive and well and living in the present. But don't let this stop you - oh no! Life is, above all the things one may say about it, an experience that is best served when we, uh, you know,experience it! So go ahead, enjoy yourself - and later, when you find yourself running as hard as you can to keep up, but the bus still pulls away, leaving you stranded in a cloud of stinky, ugly black smoke, try to remember the experience next time your emotions threaten to hijack you.

Know your past - know yourself
For the three of you still reading this, and the one of you actually approaching the question honestly, there may exist an actual reason to look into a past relationship. Understand though, that any relationship you conjure up from the past will not be the one you are thinking about - there is only one constant in the universe, and that constant is change.

Be free to perceive - not deceive
So you've read all the above, and still you persist. Again I say - go forth, experience all that life can bring! But do it whole heartedly - lose your preconceptions and your expectations, drop your pretenses - you know, get off your high horse! Go in there wearing your heart on your sleeve, ready and willing to accept whatever life throws your way!

For one thing is certain - if you don't, then there will almost certainly come a day when you will find yourself wondering if you should rekindle that old, lost love.

Regards,

Rodney Barbati

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mckee_86 says:

(19d 3h 11min ago)