Advice On Setting Boundaries

by motek23

posted on 10/16/2009

Recently it appeared that everyone I knew was getting a divorce. My parents announced they were splitting up, my in laws decided the same fate, then the boss, followed by three other family friends who decided splitsville was for them also! I just couldn't figure out what was going on and further, what was this supposed to tell me?!

While in the process of trying to figure this out, I realized that all of the people mentioned above were coming to me to vent. As time passed and they all threw up their problems all over me, I started to take on their stresses and anguish. It came to a point that I needed to get some therapy myself.

I went to see a psychologist for the very first time in my life. I sat on the black couch, yes the one you see in the movies, and spilled my guts out - ugly cry, complete with snotty tissues! I didn't realize how much everyone else's problems had affected me. After 45 minutes of venting to the doc, who thought that maybe he was on candid camera because really who has that many people divorcing around them, he took a deep breath. He looked me square in the face and said "You know, the truth is, is that you don't have any problems. Your stress comes from other people putting their stress on you and you need to learn how to create boundaries for yourself.

I left the psychologist's office a new woman. Create boundaries for myself. I repeated that mantra all the way home. When people called me to vent, suddenly I was unavailable. And you know what? They figured it all out for themselves. When mom called to vent about dad I told her that he was my father and I didn't want to hear bad things about my dad any more. One after the other came at me and I set my boundaries.

The next time I went to the psychologist for a follow up, we didn't even have anything to discuss. In fact, he was falling asleep! Made me realize that I really didn't have any problems if the psychologist was snoozing!

When life gets stressful because of other people's problems, set boundaries.

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