Advice On Teens: Drugs And Sex
posted on 10/22/2009
COMMUNICATION-TALK , TALK ,TALK
"They grow up fast" isn't just a saying, it's the truth! Sadly for many parents the teen years seem to signify the end of innocence , especially in society that encourages teens to grow up quickly.Parents who thought they were great communicators and doing a good job can suddenly see things change overnight.This is not the time to stop talking,this is the time to talk more then you ever have.
WHAT IF I WAITED TOO LONG?
Even though we know as parents it's our job to teach our children about drugs and sex many parents will delay these talks until they suspect their teen is using drugs or having sex.While this can be very difficult for most parents to confront their teens on it has to be done!Approach your child openly and honestly with your concerns and give them a chance to be honest with you.Sometimes sharing a story about how you messed up as a teen and how it affected you and your parents can be a good door-opener.
WHAT IF MY TEEN LIES?
If you know for a fact your teen is using drugs or having sex tell them in a loving way that you know what is going on.Remember you are the parent and you are not required to provide proof.Have a plan in place before you speak to your teen.If he needs therapy, pastoral counseling, or rehab have it set up ahead of time.If you suspect your teen might be pregnant have a test kit ready( this works great for drug use too-most kids will confess if they know you have a kit to test them).A pregnant teen needs to be seen by the family doctor as soon as possible.
WHAT NEXT?
Don't give up on parenting if you find yourself with a teen who seems to have made a wrong turn, and don't stop talking to your kids .Always give lots of positive reinforcement to your teen who is likely hurting just as much as you are.The most important thing you can do is to take care of yourself.Divorce is not uncommon in situations where teenagers have become difficult to deal with.It also is not unheard of for parents to become depressed.Remember you need to be strong and healthy so you can model that for the teen you want to help!
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Previous Comments
mikhail says:
(30d 12h 5min ago)
While I agree with a lot of what you say, I disagree with the notion that our society encourages kids to grow up quickly. There are many more 25-year-oldman-children in our society than in most (less affluent) societies. In many countries, it is not uncommon for 20-somethings or even teens to become chief providers for their families. Because of our general material comfort, however, our society views early adulthood as almost an extension of childhood, a responsibility-free time for play, with parents often still providing material support.
To the point of your article, this lack of necessity to make ends meet leads to excesses of behavior due to the excess of time on kids' hands.
As far as sex and drug use, you should emphasize safety first and foremost. Teens will have sex, and there's nothing wrong with that as long as care is taken to stay healthy. As has been shown over and over in multiple studies, abstinence education doesn't work, so you shouldn't take that approach as a parent either. As far as drugs, I completely agree that sharing a personal story from your own youth could help you connect with your teen and highlight the dangers of excessive experimentation with drugs. Your message should be that experimentation is fine but excessive or habitual use is dangerous in so many ways that it should not even be considered.
peter57 says:
(29d 10h 16min ago)
Thanks for your great advice.I like that you didn't just assume that teen-sex is okay.We are teaching our children to wait until they are married.What better gift can you bring to your partner than your virginity!
Bob_Loblaw says:
(29d 7h 17min ago)
Bob Loblaw says he agrees with peter57 who also agrees with peter57. Virginity is the awkward gift that can only be given once! Thus spake Bob Loblaw