Advice On Breaking Up
posted on 11/07/2009
Rob Writes:
I have been with my girlfriend for over two years. It was wonderful before, but I feel like things have definitely changed recently. She went away for the entire summer, and we had become very distant; now that she's back, I feel like our relationship is strained and forced (at least from my point of view).
We constantly fight and argue, then make up. I know this is not a healthy relationship, and I know I need to break up with her. I have tried but she always manages to pull at my heart so much that I cave back into the same situation.
I don't know how I can ever become completely independent again. I feel like she loves me so much, and that I am such a terrible person for not feeling the same way anymore.
The most difficult part of this whole situation is, though, that I can't avoid seeing her 3 days a week (we're in college and our classes are close by). Every article I read about breaking up says give it distance, don't talk ... but I'm afraid that I won't be able to completely avoid her.
Please give me your thoughts.
MR. GOODADVICE RESPONDS:
You obviously have had enough of this relationship. I would imagine that while your friend was away for the summer your were able to realize that you didn't really need her anymore and were ready for something new. So during that summer you went through whatever "mourning" you were going to do over losing her. Now she is back and trying to revive a relationship that you are long over and probably keeping you from other people you would rather be with.
Once a relationship dies it is almost impossible to bring back the original feelings of passion and romance. Usually what's left is nothing but aggravation and the little things that annoy you about the other person. You are stuck in that moment right now and need to stop worrying about her happiness and focus on your own.
Don't think for a minute you are doing her any favors by keeping her around. She knows you don't wanna be with her and I am sure is just as miserable as you. You would be much better off just letting her cry out all of her tears, rather than keeping her in this situation where she feels unwanted and a nuisance to you.
Be strong and break up for good. Guilt should not be what holds people together in relationships. Guilt only causes resentment and anger. At some point if you don't walk away now these arguments will become much worse and you may say and do things you regret in the future.
You don't have to avoid her at school. You simply have to be strong enough to tell her it's over and move on. You have the right to be happy, so just go be happy.
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Previous Comments
inumiko says:
(9d 21h 59min ago)
sit down and talk to her , i know you must be nervouse. you dont want to hurt her feelings. tell her that youve had great times with her , but that you just dont feel the same way anymore. you just wish to be friends with her , and that she will find someone else in the future , that shes a pretty and nice girl. then ask her , im srry but can we just be friends? if you love her as much as u say , then it will hurt her no matter what but u cant fix that. its your life and your feelings. if you dont get out of this relationship your gunna keep feeling guilty , your gunna feel like your traped , tell her how you feel.
inumiko says:
(9d 21h 57min ago)
oops i ment is if SHE loves you as much as you say.... srry. oh and i hope my advice helps you out , good luck. =)